My Strength Made Perfect In Weakness.2Cor12:9



Oh man how I cringe at that word. WEAKNESS. Far be it for me to admit that I'm weak. ME a Child of God are you kidding . Pride sounds like this , but it sounds good right . Does it sound familiar. I had to go before my Father for this past few days and admit the pride within that would not let me admit that I was weak and useless without Him. I thought in my own strength oh Faith youre doing a great job. Just keep crying out , just keep confessing While all along feeding that sly spirit of old, Pride. (Don't get me twisted there is absolutely nothing wrong with crying out to God , but even in our crying out there should still be a total dependance upon Him) Thinking and convincing myself within the the depths of an deceptive heart that I was doing all of this in total dependance on God. Not so and because Father knew that I wasnt purposely doing this and the Word says," My people perish for lack of knowledge"Hosea 4:6. He showed me the error in my ways of thinking and my downfall in the belief system that I had. I WAS A PHARISEE HIDDEN WITHIN!!!!!!!!! (More on that later!)That scripture futher reads that if we reject the Knowledge that is given the destruction that comes along behind it. The lack of humility that we have shows us the lack of humility for the Father we have. Cause ultimately we are telling Him I got this. Let's start on this journey of killing that pride within by bringing our lives which is our will, minds, and emotions into total dependance on the Father.
Love you All 1w/God

HUMILITY

When its all said and done. Youve done all your mighty acts of worship and healing and teaching and preaching. When youve lived it up with all of the best that life has to offer. When youve got the car, the house, the family the image. All your schooling and degrees ,when you look back how much did you really thank God for? How much did you do on your on or thought that you did? When you look back how much of it was that God may be glorified? We hear the word about being humble and serving God. We associate that if Im humble and let people have their way then God will bless me for it. Never really having the heart of a servant only really looking for the gain to this life. The true gain is being a servant in this life that God may be all and all. Jesus was the perfect example of a servant. Without every move ,motive and outcome being God /Jesus being all and all we have no humility BOTTOMLINE. Thats the virtue and purpose of our Saviour's life that the Father may be all and all. IS THAT YOURS?

I Give Myself Away.

I listened to this song as I wept uncontrollable. Listening I thought on how Christ gave Himself for me. My life flashed before my eyes and how His hand had been upon me all the time even when I hadn't known Him. My heart felt as if it was cracking open and this weight that laid upon me was like whoa!!! God is so powerful and wonderful and deserves all the glory. He gave His precious and only Son to bring me and you back to Him because He loves us so much. I had at that point to truly make a decision with in myself to let go of anything else that would keep me away from Him. He was so beautiful and He was drawing me in with His love and intoxicating passion for me.He too has a great and longing passion for you. The song says "I give myself away , so You can use me". Think of the love you have for someone and you would do anything for them. That is Christ love for us and He wants us to get to that place for Him. When we get to that place we will be willing to let go of those things that will keep us from the Love Of Our Lives .Our First Love ,even if the journey takes a life time. It will all be worth it. So Choose To Give Yourself Away. You will Never Regret It.

Love ya all

Who You Listening To?

We had gone to a youth concert and one of the artist that was ministering had a song called "Who You Listening To" . That phrase had me thinking , who was I listening to and not only that but what was I believing. The Word calls Satan the Father of Lies yet we are quick to believe what he has to say over what God has to say about us. Still we call ourselves believers. This is true ,but believers of what ? We believe lies,gossip, negativity and more quickly before we will believe the promises of God. That also includes His judgements.
Somewhere along the line we got it twisted and we need to correct this error before another generation has to suffer in the wilderness with squandered dominion and power because of their parents. Lets check the frequency that were tuned into and see who it is we are really listening to and who it is we really believe. JOHN 10:27

Why Grace?Why Me?

I was speaking with one of my brothers the other day and telling him How I was having trouble with something to write and say. For those who know me you may find that hard to believe. Anyway, he told me to stop thinking so much and just write. He looked at me in my eyes and said I need for you to write I felt as if the Spirit of God was speaking to me through him. Write and dont even look back at what you have written . I tussled with what to say and how to say it . I read the blogs of my other brothers and sisters and shied at the talent of their own writings and revelations. I was taunted within my own head of the songs that were to be written and ones never heard before. I had spoken so much on being retired that I had retired the words of the Holy Spirit in me. So with a repentant heart to My Father . Here Goes.....

I struggled with the thought that God would allow me to struggle once again in rejection , pain , loneliness and the like. I pit on a front in front of other while I would cry myself to sleep at night , walking around with knots in my belly pretending that if I just kept pushing all this would just go away. I became a master at hiding my own pains and disappointments so I thought and when they would begin to show through I would maintenance my walk a little better.

So much hurt , so much pride, not teachable or accountable to the level I should be. Wrestling with God on the most minor things within my mind and still not accepting the fact the He had chosen me and not me myself. WHY DO I HAVE TO BE ISOLATED OUT? WHY AM I NOT UNDERSTOOD? WHY DO I HAVE TO GIVE UP THIS, HAVENT I GIVEN UP ENOUGH? These types of questions and many more rang through my spirit or excuse me through my soul from time to time. And more often than none I had to sing my soul loves Jesus to believe that I did.

GOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You called me in to a ministry to minister deliverance, Ha what a joke the voice in the back of my mind would say. Your not even delivered. Your full of rejection , loneliness, anger, despair, murder , suicide, lust, envy, jealousy, rebellion. What are you doing? Are you Crazy? I wrestled with this for as long as until this past Sunday. Surprised or maybe not, me I no longer care whay may be thought of this. I put up these fronts long enough for the enemy to try to take my life and the lives of the ones around me that I hold dear.

This blog is for everyone that I ever took through a deliverance , for my children that need me , for my family. For lives that could have been destroyed. God had beckoned me and I came willingly and open , but as He pulled me closer the wounds and hurts of my past and condition of my heart began to show. I couldnt muster to think that this new found lover could or would voluntarily love me with all this trash in me. I was bitter , hurt and one more step from just ending it all.

"What Do You Do When You Dont Know What To Do" kept running through my head. My Spiritual Mother had spoken on that years ago , yet this time it was so fresh on my mind. I wanted it all to end ,I wanted that car to hit me or I fall asleep by myself in the car alone driving and go off into a peaceful death. I wanted the hurting to stop the pain to end. My mind had been pit against me and recycled many words from past days. I cant walk with these people my flaws may show. Not me, Woman of God of Power and Might. You kick the devils Butt , you Dont let people know hes been kicking yours. You dont let them know that you dont eat cause you see yourself twisted or that you eat to stop hurting or that you you dont have toilet paper or soap sometimes and that you thank God little packages and supplies that you got from gifts they come in handy to wash your kids. Thats not what Good mothers do let alone anointed vessels. You cant let them see that. You cant let that be see through you when you been delivered right. You interpret dreams and see, how come you dont see your way out of this? You take others through deliverance how come your still bound?

Voices ,the voices you cant tell them about the voices , you already dont fit in you already are weird. Just keep it to yourself it doesnt matter anyway. Your suppose to be that rock right Right, whenever you break down what will be said. Look at all these people that are connected to you how they struggle you know its because you minister to them, yeah they may excel , but I'm gonna help you find a place with me in Hell. Dont expose this then they wont call for your help anymore they will know that you cant handle it.

My heart was so full of these many deceptions that it pulled me several different directions except for loose. I couldnt believe what I was seeing clearly and yet didnt believe when God was speaking that things were distorted so I was coming to a road of being ineffective , because they were canceling each other out. I wanted more of God I wanted what He said But there was always this gnawing away at my insides. I loved God but Hated that He created me like this or at all and that was causing me to be spiritually bankrupt.

The enemy had a plan he set me up good I would get all this knowledge of A true and living God become effective in the Kingdom of God , destroy strongholds in the lives of others but have a place in hell to be tortured by the same demons that I had sent to dry places. He wanted to shame me good , and shame my Father. I wasnt in total submission to my authority not because I hated them , but having seeds of hating them from an ex spouse who was poisoned to hate them and any other spiritual authority when things werent going right. See I knew loyalty from being in a gang but I also knew Dog Eat Dog. So I could play it but also recognize it. I wanted no parts of it, but actions speak louder than words. I hurt people by not putting my whole life on the line. I was a stumbling block to some that they may never recover so Ipray for their souls. I talked on things that because of the stance of my heart I had little to know authority to speak on. Lets clarify you may have the knowledge , but it takes the agreement of God and His backing to have the authority and power to speak on such things in order to bring Deliverance. So I was walking in 2nd Timothy 3 and didnt even check to realize it. Anything we do and there is no power or results of Gods Power behind it we fall in this category. If you dont know read it yourselves. "Having a form of Godliness, but denying the power... . I wasnt purposely trying to destroy anyone, I just hated myself. The bible says that whats in a mans heart will come out and whatever a man thinks so is he. I didnt think on that all the way through, Satan is the father of hate and thus I had still some residue of his DNA. God had promises for me and even a person that I cared deeply for was affected and thus things were held up for them because the blinders came down and when we tapped in together a bit of poison was released and it was to kill and hinder him. I WAS NOW A WEAPON OF UNRIGHTEOUSNESS, and yet at the same time God was still moving in the mist of my errors. See I truly didnt want to be this way, and I was losing my mind slowly and everything I loved. I couldnt wrap My mind around the fact that God would reveal things to me and yet know the condition I was in. I had hurt people by being who I was yet NOT being who I was. My mind went into being performance oriented instead of Relationship Oriented, and I mean with PAPA. He longed for me , yet I felt so far from Him and still I was closer than I thought.

You may ask how than did deliverance take place for others or myself if I myself have taken you through a deliverance. Dont question the power of God . He does as He pleases and uses whom He pleases. He will build up a nation and tear another down. He's God. I hadnt nor can I fully wrap my mind Around what He has done and is doing. He used this to get my attention for He knew what he had placed within my heart in the BEFORE PLACE that the enemy did not know. So what the devil meant for bad God MY PAPA is making it GOOD! I wanted to truly apologize to the ones in whom have looked at me and were let down by flaws you may have seen and I didn't correct you and point you to the Creator and let you know that I am still very much a work in progress. Sorry to my Friend Antwon for not being a Woman of God of integrity and faith, for being a stumbling place in your growth, and for putting my wants at the time before what Papa wanted for you at the time. I put myself on front street that I never go this way again. Submit obey and put off the old man ,as He gives you new vision thats not blurred and that may not include me this time, but its OK thats the price we pay for our love for an awesome Father, To Sarah another prodigal thats running forgive me for not understanding when Ive been in similar places and not being strong enough to pull you up when I seem to have gotten out. You will Live and not Die!!!! Pastor ,sorry for the times of bucking against the grain , whether out loud or inside , in disobedience or half stepping . Without your prayers I would be in a Lower Place in Hell right now. You deserve all the honor and more that is due, and if you will allow me to be and come home for real I will. Words can never express my gratitur to you and those who have prayed for me and even the ones who pray about me, you have helped me to learn how tho weather storms and trust that I CAN FLY!

Please understand this is not the full story, I probably can write a book , but this is self deliverance for me to completly come out of the shadows of Satan and into the marvelous light of God, whom truly is my Saving Grace. What is Grace, Undeserved and unmerited favor From God. Why Me I dont know,Why Grace, Because HE IS....

LOVE YOU

Deception pt2 "Im Cutting Myself With Stones"

As I began to shut down from these frequent experiences with family members and family friends ,I felt myself at a tender young age begin to grow cold on the inside. As a child molester who molested me in front of my little brother was freed of all charges and the lawyers put me if front of the town to mark me as a" attention deprived child with a vivid imagination" the walls became thicker and more fortified. I watched the very innocence of my childhood be dragged away and marred as like the woman caught in the act of adultery and was about to be stoned, but I was barely even 11 years old when all of this finally came to the surface.

Where was God in all of this at that time I had no clue and I figured He didn't care about what was going on with me .Deception 2 God doesn't see or care ,So maybe He doesn't really exist.(John1:1;14, John3:16)

I began to cut and burn myself to feel anything, still at this point I was doing well in sports and school was easy ,but I was alone and the accolades of the crowd only lasted for a moment , but the haunting of the abused seemed to always out last the victory song.

Deception 3 You'll never be anything more than used goods.(2Cor 5:17)

Nobody wants used goods and that was my belief as my world began to fall all to pieces around me. My dreams as a young child to own , invent , be president, change the world and help people turned into a life of trying to survive. The only people that I let in and had not been pushed out of my heart was my close family mainly my brothers and my grandmother. Even my mother and I started to drift apart as she was still trying to find her own way. No one could get in not even God......

You may know people who are able to benefit from theses readings , this isn't just a tool for me to vent but to empower so for every deception I have a scripture references to help you or someone you may know who may need it. You can also find your own

Christ is the source of life and I encourage each of you to began to embark on a journey of your own to uncover the deceptions in your own life and destroy every work of darkness. You may journey with me as I confront my own , and I know that deliverance will soon come as it has for me in this short time of confronting the spirit of deception, until next blog. I love you all. 1w/God

Deception Exposed

For anyone reading this blog Im sorry for the technical difficulties .Obviously the enemy has no desire for me to write on this subject, but I think Ill do it anyway.

Be writing soon to physical/Deception pt2 .Love you all 1w/God

Deception/Perception.

Is your perception full of deception?

I knew I would need to go here for a couple of excerpts to expose this demon of mayhem. As I began to think on what God wanted me to say I began to feel nauseated and that was all the conformation I needed to go forward with this.

The funny thing about this is that God wanted me not to just expose the spirit of deception it self ,but to expose where it has worked in my life as well. So my prayer is that you will find freedom for yourself as I bare my own nakedness. Some content may be a little raw but that's how God wants me to come raw and unformed in "His" image and not "My"own.

Physically- Many females may be able to relate in their own ways on how they have struggled physically. As a young girl I was always the shortest and smallest amongst my group of peers which ranged from family to the few people I called friends.

I was brown skinned with funny eyes and knobby knees, pigeon toed and thick hair that my mom always kept braided up or my grandmother would put in those ugly little plaits ,Make you look like a pic-a- na-ney. Anyway, I loved myself, I thought i was pretty cute , until one day it started with rumors of my mother not really being my mother and my grandmother not really being my grandmother.

My cousin in whom I will not reveal began telling me all types of things about the family and how we werent really related at that time He began to make advances towards me that lead from him playing with my barely formed breast to feeling between my legs, until I was rubbing his penis and him placing it on my face(I could still feel it on my face for the longst time throughout childhood in to adulthood) and wanted me to kiss on it and show me how to give head ,and I refused but the persisting took place and for a young girl I began to learn how to put up walls. Previous verbal and mental abuse help to get me into a dark place where deception could began to speak to me and change my whole perception of my young life, so full of promise was now being snatched away........... Deception #1 Nobody cares and they won't believe you. cont..on next post 1w/God.

The decisions that we make can sometimes leave us in the shadows of life. Know that the decisions that you made on yesterday are the results of your life today. So what you producing in your life?

Blue Letter Bible - Gal 5 (NLT): "When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, your lives will produce these evil results: sexual immorality, impure thoughts, eagerness for lustful pleasure,


Gal 5:20idolatry, participation in demonic activities, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, divisions, the feeling that everyone is wrong except those in your own little group,

Gal 5:21envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other kinds of sin. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God."

Lets look at the hard facts and lets grade our own lives noone needs to do it for you, and if we are honest we can see where our mouths, thoughts and actions have gotten us to where we are today. Whats your Grade? Selah

I Know The Law!!!!!!!!!!
I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe , how than will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?John3:12
Jesus spoke to a renowned pharisee in the middle of the night to try and explain to Him the purpose of the kingdom and how there is only one way to make it in. I tell you the truth no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit.John 3:5. Jesus was explaining that unless you are baptized (water) in the Spirit there is no way you will be able to understand how and what it requires to make it in to the Kingdom. The pharisees prided themselves on knowing the law and they did that because they knew mans law can always be manipulated, but with God He is Truth and there could be no manipulating or controlling Him. Without being born again(natural reasoning) they could understand that Jesus had power to heal, cast out and feed and etc, but they didn't recognize thatJesus was the power. (How many times have we done this?)They knew the Law, but because they were not willing to be born again and renew their minds they missed to see the God of the Law.How many times have we missed extending love ,grace , compassion, repentance , forgiveness, etc, because the Law required a witch hunt or prosecution, burn them at the stake, Crucify them! Did We ourselves miss the Kingdom?Selah. Jesus said to Nicodemus , "If you don't understand the earthly things " . What earthly things do we think we understand and its causing us to miss the Kingdom?(sex, drugs, money, relationships)we believe we know the Law of these but lets let our minds be baptized in the Spirit and see if there are some areas where we have told God I Know The Law and have missed the Kingdom and its King. Repent For The Kingdom of God Is At Hand.
1w/God